Monday, April 15, 2013


Perception of God

I was raised in non Christian background and was an atheist since I think that religion has nothing to do with my life. Being the eldest child in my family, I was raised by my mother who is a stern person. Eventually I became a controller as I grow up. I love to take charge in decision making and organize my daily checklist. I put my best efforts in studies, work achievement and physical appearance. I believe in effective planning determines my life whether career, relationship or daily decision making. To me, God was distant to me, and I felt I have to handle everything on my own.

So, How I become a Christian?

After graduated, I got my first job; I am the only non Christian in the company. My first birthday present given by my boss, Melissa was a New Testament bible. I did not know much of the bible, so I just read a few pages then leave it aside.  I guess I wasn’t ready. I was worried that I had to make commitment to God, to attend church every Sunday, read bible, prayers, tithing or have to find a Christian guy to be your partner/husband.  So I went to church few times with my church friend and still I wasn’t ready to accept Jesus. I always thought I need to enjoy my life beyond restrictions and boundaries at my early twenties.

I went thru ups and downs times. I struggled with my own identity, depression, several failed relationships, my best friend passed away 3 years ago just like that. Everything was beyond my control. I was devastated because my life journey does not go smoothly. As I grow older, I felt insecure about myself. I kept searching for something to fulfill my emptiness in my life. I was desperate at that time too after my relationship with men has failed. I went on social drinking and mixing with wrong crowd, hoping to find a loaded rich man to fill up my desire in life. End up I was hurting myself.

One day I listened to a sermon topic about making the right choices. I felt that something has stirred in my heart.  I realized I have been procrastinating for the past 8 years. God has not given up on me yet. I felt His deeply love and grace for me. I was like the “prodigal son”.  I shed my tears that all this while I lived a sinful life. Jesus died on the cross to redeem our sin so that we may enjoy our life in His presence.

It was a turning point at that time for me to make decision. So I accepted Jesus as my savior this year July 2012. I went for Alpha course to know more about God. And subsequently I was baptized on Christmas day.

Life after accepted Christ

I felt the love of God. He is faithful to all His children. I know God will always be there for me. He is my father, my husband and my best friend who will never abandon me. (Isaiah 41:10- Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand).

Well, I may still struggle with materials achievement or loneliness (desire in seeking the right guy) from time to time but God has given me strength and courage to go thru the trials of my journey. For sure I know is better to have hope and trust in God. Nothing is more precious that having a peace of mind and contentment as I do not need to strife for everything on my own. At least I know God is in control of everything. Even if my plan doesn’t turn well or get what I wanted, I know He is preparing the best for me. The best is yet to come. I thank God for giving me a second opportunity in my life. 

By God's Lover

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